Armand M. Nicholi Jr. was a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the Massachusetts General Hospital. He also wrote the book “The Question of God: C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love, Sex, and the Meaning of Life.” I haven’t read this book but I read an excerpt that caught my attention. The following is from Nicholi’s book:

“Like Freud, Lewis quotes from the New Testament that ‘God is love’ and warns that we must be careful not to translate that into ‘love is God.’ 

Lewis’s point is that human love can sometimes become an idol that causes us to do unhelpful or ungodly things. We then justify our decisions by arguing that what was done was done in love. 

United Methodist Pastor Ruben Saenz III says, “The love of God can undo and restore an unlimited and infinite amount of missteps with His creation. He has no limits. Whereas, we as humanity have limits, even if in our deepest and purest form of love we cannot compare to the love of God alone.”

There are many loving people in this world who are acting out of compassion to make the world a better place. They are people who do so in response to their religious beliefs, as a way of living their spirituality, or because they are humanists who believe in helping others in the human race who are suffering.  I don’t think Lewis would deny that. However, I think he would say that there is a huge difference between human love and God’s love, in that God’s love is perfect. That doesn’t mean humans shouldn’t reach out in love, but we might need to step back occasionally and ask ourselves why we are doing what we do.

Unhealthy responses that we might call love include things such as enabling others. When a friend or family member is doing something that is hurting them or someone else, the loving response is to gently and lovingly confront them. Granted, the confronting needs to be done with good intentions, but to watch someone destroy himself and not do anything is not love.

Another aspect of this is telling someone you love them unconditionally because God’s love is unconditional., thus accepting whatever they do. I can’t argue with the intent behind this. Loving someone unconditionally means we love their very being; we love someone because they were made in the image of God. But, It doesn’t mean we have to accept their behavior.  Again, that isn’t love in the deeper sense of the word. Yet, God’s spirit can fill us with love for individuals or circumstances as we lovingly discuss their behavior. Of course, even loving confrontation needs to occur within the context of a relationship. 

My guard goes up whenever someone is emotionally intrusive or trying to solve my problems for me. I’m sure you’ve experienced a time when someone got emotional about what you were going through, to the point that it seemed like they thought they were going through it, too. These responses are usually overly emotional and sentimental. The response might be from a place of compassion, but it isn’t God’s perfect love because the ego is too involved in the response. 

We’re humans, and we will make mistakes in responding to people. That’s understandable. However, we can begin to make fewer mistakes if we intentionally follow God’s example of love rather than trying to force God into our flawed human expressions of love. I might add that getting to know Jesus well enough to act like him is a huge component in showing the love of God to others.

I can imagine what you’re thinking. I’m thinking about it, too. I wonder, “If God loves us unconditionally and calls us to do the same, why do I seem to be throwing water on the whole thing?”  I promise you that I’m not. I want Jesus to be my model. For me, that looks like loving people because they are made in the image of God. It means ‘speaking the truth in love’ when people are doing things to harm themselves or others. It means developing relationships and a sense of community. As an introvert, I feel a twinge of anxiety at writing this. Believe me, I’m not generally out meeting people for the fun of it. It’s not my nature. But I’ve got a small circle of friends and my spiritual tribe. I’m thankful that they gently confront me when I’m not in a good place or am unaware of my behavior. That’s a deep love. That’s a Spirit-driven love. That’s a love that I can trust.

I mentioned good people of other faiths, spiritual practices, or humanistic stances toward life. Love for a divine being and love for others is central to most religious beliefs. We may not have the same beliefs but we can work together to better the world.  The humanist may not believe in God, but our goals can be similar, and we can work together. The same is true of people with less traditional spiritual beliefs. We can come together to bring help to people who are suffering. That’s deep love; being there for others without compromising the core of your being.

I’m sitting in our community clubhouse as I write this, and I’m laughing inwardly as I think about that iconic Coke commercial from the 1970s and the lyrics, “I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. I’d like to hold it in my arms and keep it company.” If you’re of a certain age, you’ll remember that the song talks about us standing hand in hand, living in love, and spreading peace worldwide. I’m all for aspiring to that kind of world, but I think it takes a deep spirit-led type of love to make it happen. I also think we’ll occasionally mess things up without meaning to, but that’s okay. The goal is to take someone’s hand and multiply the love for people. 

So, go to your place of worship, hang with your tribe, and volunteer for community organizations. Ground yourself with yoga, meditation, prayer, or tai chi because it’s healing, and you’ll meet other people who want to spread love throughout the world.

There’s a verse from the Hebrew Scriptures that I love. It’s from the book of Micah and says, “He has told you, humanity, what is good; and what does the Lord require of us, but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8) God didn’t ask us to become overly emotional or demanding. God didn’t tell us only to love people who agree with us. Thankfully, God didn’t instruct us to create snarky memes to post on social media to silence those who disagree with us. What’s our mission in a nutshell? Love God and love people. Easy to talk about. More difficult to do. But we can do it together.

Deborah Bray Haddock, © 2023