I’ve been ill for the past couple of years. My illness takes a toll on my body and causes extreme fatigue, making it difficult to function at a normal level. This is the first writing that I’ve been able to do in ages. It’s frustrating, but it has also become my life. I’m currently on a self-imposed retreat, just me and God. I’m seeking rest for my entire being. I’m also realizing that I’m grieving the loss of the person I used to be. 

As I practiced centering prayer this morning, I prayed for people I know who are also living with serious health issues. That list is long, and I found myself asking why. I can come up with all sorts of reasons why people struggle with their health. Maybe it’s poor habits that have taken a toll on the body or a body breaking down due to age. DNA? Toxic chemicals in our environment? Sometimes, we can pinpoint it, and sometimes, we can’t. Humans love to know the answers to things we don’t understand, and even more; we like to live under the illusion that we have control over our lives. I don’t fault anyone for that. These are defenses that help us to keep going. But, sooner or later, we must deal with reality if we want to continue moving forward with our lives. We must face our demons!

I want to suggest accepting what we can’t change. That is challenging. Sometimes, I feel like a spiritual superstar. I meditate and pray. I say to God, “We’re in this together. I have faith you’ll work things out.” Other times, I’m not so sure. Those days, I can barely get out of bed because I’m anxious. Or the days when I’m angry that God isn’t healing me. I’m sure you’ve been there. So many people beat themselves up when they feel less spiritual than they think they should be. But the secret is that we are always spiritual beings. We need to remind ourselves of that at times. Acceptance isn’t about liking something or telling ourselves it’s okay. Acceptance is about living in the reality of your life and recognizing that you are not what you are experiencing. Okay. I’ll admit that doing that isn’t always easy, either. But I promise you that it’s true!

What are finite humans supposed to do on earth with a life spiraling out of control? Wait! The real question is what on earth other people can do, especially if they are people of faith. I’ll tell you what it isn’t: being the messenger of spiritual platitudes. Here are a few to watch for:

You need to have more faith – 

Maybe. Then again, that sounds a lot like shaming someone who’s in pain. I’d rather have someone tell me they’ll walk the path with me. That relationship just might increase someone’s faith.

You must have sin in your life – 

We all have sin in our lives. Sin means missing the mark. If God is the bullseye, we’re constantly missing it because we’re human. It isn’t about cause and effect. Whew! I agree that we sometimes need to change behaviors. I had a family member who needed dialysis. He did everything the doctor suggested. Yet he said he would go to dialysis and see other men in the waiting room eating ham sandwiches. 

God is in control – 

That’s true. But when someone’s hurting, sitting with them, listening to their pain, and acknowledging their feelings is more helpful. To say that God is in control is to ignore the pain that another person is experiencing. If a person feels genuinely listened to, they may be in a better place to accept that God is in control. The belief that God is in control doesn’t mean that you’re struggling because God is doing something to you. Don’t accept that for one minute! 

God will heal you – 

Maybe. I believe God heals people, but I don’t understand why God heals some people and not others. I know this: healing is about who God is, not the person. Sometimes, we think that if we pray hard and with lots of enthusiasm, we can get God to do something. No, we really can’t. Sometimes, people are healed, circumstances change, and sometimes, things stay the same or worsen. That doesn’t change the fact that God’s love is more significant than anything we can imagine. That can be a difficult concept, and I’ve known people who quit believing in God because things didn’t go their way. I doubt that makes them any happier.

I could go on. We say many things to push away another person’s pain, but I urge you to think about embracing people and walking with them more fully. You could begin by practicing doing the same for yourself.

© 2024, Deborah Bray Haddock